I need a break.

My sad days are back. They've been gone for a short while but they are here again. And this stupid headache won't go away either. It's back on its tear-inducing phase. Ugh. I really don't need you now. Well, not ever. Been crying for days now because everything is just so heavy again. I could really use a break, and probably a friend. But it would help me a lot if this headache will be gone. You stupid pain that won't go away from my head, please leave me. If you won't offer anything bigger, if you will just be an unknown thing with nothing but pain, please leave me. You've been with me for three years now. You've already caused me so much trouble. Nobody even believes me now. They probably think this pain is just some figment of my imagination. You've been nothing but a nuisance. It's about time you go. I don't want you no more. I didn't want you in the first place. Let me live. Leave and let me live.

Wishful thinking.

I wish I could be 18 again. Cause then I can do stupid things and not have to actually defend why you did them. It could all just be part of growing up. Your actions, dumb ones mostly, could be excused cause you're still hovering on the thin line of being "not a girl (boy) not yet a woman (man)". But when you are on your 20s, one wrong action, one wrong move and you're done. You have to be cautious of everything you say or do because people won't be as understanding. You are expected to know what is right from wrong and do everything at your best. They expect you to handle things well... on your own. And when you fail to do those things, you also fail. And the people around could judge you. They bore you with questioning and sometimes mocking stares. People could be unforgiving when you are older. And those are things that scare me. I'm scared of people. I'm afraid of the outside world. It's a tough life for a 20-something like me who is at this age, still lost and confused. I wish to be young again or if not, at least to be invisible to the eyes of many. I need an escape. Or I need a way out.

New Start

Hey there. I made an all new blog which is a little different in terms of content from Fangirl Musings. I have a few thoughts meant to be blogged but are way too out of line from my usual bubbly fangirl posts that's why I made this one. This is a little darker. I just wanted a place where I can pour some of my thoughts other than just my journal. It's not to seek attention but to just share some insights for some who probably feel the same. I know some people think that it's all just some teenage angst, some 20-something depression... that's it's all just some old cliche. But for us, it means so much more. So if you feel like nothing is going right and that you feel like the worst person alive, don't worry cause you are not alone. I feel just as shitty. So there's prolly some hope in between right?

And I hope that in the near future, this would be filled with posts of change and happy thoughts. But for the mean time dark will do.